|
Post by Colby Lefabre on Aug 30, 2016 19:38:05 GMT -5
Time had worn on and many years later much had changed yet so much more had remained. It just sometimes had to come up for air from time to time from the deepest depths where it had all come to rest. Colby stood stoic in his suit, jacket laid over the tombstone as though it had always belonged there. Fresh flowers arranged or rather semi-arranged in the vases to each side. This was the only place he ever felt connected to the family anymore. He'd been coming here since they'd buried her, but with the death of his other sister...or was she his aunt, it seemed his visits had become more frequent. He allowed his mind to drift here, never speaking out loud for fear of being over heard. Putting voice to his vulnerabilities would not be a good or wise thing to do. The wind blew lightly out of the north, but their was no chill in the air.
Vanessa lay cold and buried underneath the ground at his feet and yet Colby lay cold and buried underneath the strong exterior he had to put on every single day. As he stood here on this day he wind lightly caressing his Lefabre features, Colby allowed some of the emotion out. Silently tears rolled down his face. He missed her...he missed them. But he'd become someone else...or maybe he'd actually fulfilled the destiny they'd drawn out for him. This...standing here alone isn't what he'd wanted for himself or for them. He'd lost everything...everyone who had meant something to him and he'd gone into self preservation mode. His focus laser sharp, until he'd been given everything back. The day he watched Belle bring into the world this helpless little girl that waited for him at home, his daughter and he'd experienced what it was like to be loved without condition. It was as though the darkness began to give way to the light and his heart began to heal, a little at a time. Madeline was by far the best thing Colby Lefabre had ever truly done in his life and he was more proud of her then of any of the accomplishments of the past or the present. She was his biggest fan and he her protector and provider.
His sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his tie loose around his neck, he lost track of time as he stood sometimes with his eyes open staring at the words on the tombstone, the ground at his feet or upward at the sky as if searching for some sign from her...something that said she was proud of him. But sometimes he closed his eyes and imagined being back in that house, getting ready for school or doing his homework at the dining room table, just to feel something that might bring him a little bit closer to her. But she never came. No signs ever manifested yet still Colby came to this place.
|
|
|
Post by Kristen Buchanan on Aug 30, 2016 19:51:04 GMT -5
Behind him several yards, standing underneath the shade of a tree, Kristen Buchanan stood and watched in silence as her baby brother lingered over the grave of the woman who had raised them. Vanessa Lefabre had been Kristen's sister and, for most Colby's life, they'd believe she was his as well, until Kristen and Brock had gotten nosy and started digging into their family's passed and uncovered a secret from the past of a woman who no one in their right mind could have possibly believed had such a past. Colby was Vanessa's son. Technically, Kristen supposed, that made Colby her nephew and not her brother but sixteen years of being brother and sister was hard to erase. Even through their falling out over a decade ago, even after she'd cast him out of her life and pushed him away, Colby had always been her brother, genetics be damned.
After taking a deep breath and smoothing out the black sleeveless dress that she was wearing, Kristen began a slow, silent trek up the hill to where her brother stood alone at his mother's grave. She drew close until she was just a few feet behind him and came to a halt. She allowed several silent seconds to pass before she spoke.
"Hard to believe she's been gone this long," she said with more than a hint of sadness in her voice.
|
|
|
Post by Colby Lefabre on Aug 30, 2016 19:58:58 GMT -5
Colby's shoulders tensed when he realized someone was standing behind him. He prepared himself for something...but when she spoke, sadness in her voice, he swallowed hard. Looking downward and back to just catch a glimpse of her, he nodded, "Yeah." Clearing his throat, he couldn't bring himself to move. He didn't want to turn around and find that she hadn't actually been there at all so he stayed where he was still. It was nice not to feel so alone in this place. It had been a long time since he'd seen her and even longer since they'd actually sat down and had a real conversation.
If Kristen was going to kill him, he knew full well she would have done it already. Although the thought did cross his mind in the moments after he realized someone was behind him. He didn't want her to go so he tried to respond, "Sometimes it seems like a lifetime ago...yet other times it seems like yesterday."
|
|
|
Post by Kristen Buchanan on Aug 30, 2016 20:11:17 GMT -5
She nodded then moved to stand next to him, taking him in from behind as she completed her approach. He'd changed a lot in the last ten years. Though, of course he had, it'd been ten damn years for crissakes. But it was more than just age. There was something different in the way he stood. It was less, dare she say, postured. There he stood, her baby brother, but where once he'd have stood like a boy pretending to be a man, a boy pretending to be harder than he was, there was now just a man. A well-dressed and handsome man who'd obviously taken care of himself but, still, just a man. A simple man.
Her gaze dropped to the headstone once she stepped beside him. She didn't look up at him, didn't try to make eye-contact just yet. After ten years of radio silence and avoidance, one couldn't just step back into someone's life and try to pretend that everyone was just the way it had been before. The tension was heavy, though, whether it was coming from him or if she had brought it with her, Kristen didn't know. Maybe it was both of them.
"How have you been?" she asked after another pause. She couldn't bring herself to talk about how much she missed Vanessa. No matter how genuinely she did miss her eldest sister, the sentiment always sounded phony in Kristen's head. After all, Kristen had been livid with Vanessa when she died. She hadn't bothered to speak to her for month before the woman's life ended. She ignored her and avoided her, just as she'd ignored and avoided Colby for the past ten years. She hoped, deep down, however that maybe it wasn't too late for her and Colby just yet.
|
|
|
Post by Colby Lefabre on Aug 30, 2016 20:23:35 GMT -5
He didn't answer her right away. It still felt ... different or maybe it felt surreal like maybe she wasn't really there and in his grief he'd just summoned up a memory of her the way he needed her to be. A smile tugged on the corner of his lips and he stared at the ground at his feet. She'd asked him a question that required a much more detailed response, but he gave her as honest of a response as he could.
"I um...I'm not sure." How could he explain to her how he had been? He was lost and then found...but maybe he was still just as lost as he ever was. "You? How have you been?" He inhaled slowly, hoping she wouldn't take his question as being too invasive.
|
|
|
Post by Kristen Buchanan on Aug 30, 2016 20:54:15 GMT -5
Kristen could sense the uncertainty in his tone, the ambiguity and, perhaps, even a little ambivalence about the state of his own life and his own being. She was going to have to be the first one to open up. It made sense. After all, she'd been the one to slam door shut on him. Why would anyone knock on a closed door if they thought the response might be unwelcome?
"Getting fat," she said bluntly. Granted, Kristen was by no means overweight but she definitely did not have the same slender body she used to have. After four kids, no woman would. "And old," she added and leaned to nudge him with her shoulder. "I'm even starting to get gray hair. How bout you? How YOU doing?" she asked him again, this time with a smile.
|
|
|
Post by Colby Lefabre on Aug 30, 2016 21:03:17 GMT -5
Colby stole a glance her way. She didn't LOOK fat to him. Maybe more ... womanly and the way the sun danced across her hair maybe somewhat like a young Vanessa. He smiled and fiddled with the ring he wore on his hand. No one ever asked him how HE was doing. He nodded once and shrugged ever so slightly, "I'm doing okay." That was an honest answer but he was sure she probably wanted more then just that simple statement, "Staying busy you know. Madeline is getting so big...she's smart and she's beautiful." His face relaxed when he spoke of his daughter. "She keeps things real, ya know?"
He stepped towards the tombstone and picked up his jacket, laying it over his forearm before closing the distance between them.
|
|
|
Post by Kristen Buchanan on Aug 30, 2016 21:16:19 GMT -5
"Oh, I'm well aware how having kids can make things 'real,'" she answered, her smile widening, beaming, as if it could lighten up the space around them. "I've had three boys pee on me because I wasn't careful. I'm not sure it gets more real than that."
Of course, what went unsaid was that one of those boys was Colby's son, the one she'd hidden from him and raised as her own. She was astonished by how much Eli looked like Colby. Before now, with ten years since she'd last since Colby, she'd thought it was just a little resemblance. But not now. Eli was a dead-ringer for his father when Colby was young.
"Must be nice having a girl in your life that isn't bossing you around all the time," she said, making light of how she'd always ordered Colby around when they were kids.
|
|
|
Post by Colby Lefabre on Aug 30, 2016 21:44:14 GMT -5
Her smile did put him at ease. It had been so long since he'd seen it that he'd almost forgotten how comforting it had been once upon a time. He actually laughed for what felt like the first time in 10 years, "Oh you have no idea. She's as bossy as you ever were. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure right now she's pacing in front of the door preparing a tirade about how I didn't call if I knew I was going to be late." He wasn't sure how this had happened or whether or not Kristen came here as well and today their paths just happened to cross but he was thankful that it did.
"Do you come here a lot?" he asked his curiosity finally getting the better of him. "I do...I just never saw you here before."
|
|
|
Post by Kristen Buchanan on Aug 30, 2016 22:31:35 GMT -5
Kristen shook her head and, frowning, wrapped her arms around her body as she turned to walk Colby back to his car. "No. Actually, I...I, actually, haven't been here since her funeral," she admitted, the sadness returning to her voice just as quickly as it had faded earlier. "I guess I felt guilty. I wasn't very nice to her the last few months before she died. The last thing I said to her was that I never wanted to see or talk to her again. And then she died and I guess I didn't want to face the fact that I COULD never see or talk to her again, even if I wanted to."
She walked slowly down the hill, keeping pace with her brother as they left the grave of the woman who had raised them. "Maybe deep down I thought it was what I deserved, that I didn't have an right to visit her grave. Too little, too late, I guess. And then...."
|
|
|
Post by Colby Lefabre on Aug 31, 2016 5:53:34 GMT -5
Colby walked with her towards the cars and noticed her wrapping her arms around herself. Assuming that this meant the breeze had become chilly for her, he wrapped his jacket around her shoulders. His eyes took in their surroundings and he felt a deep sadness threaten to overtake them again. This place was such a lonely place that there were only two cars parked in the little turn around and that was one more car then he'd ever seen here. It was as if people never visited the dead anymore.
He listened intently to what she was saying and then stopped walking, "You know you can't do that to yourself, Kristen." His voice though deep was soft and careful, "She knew how you really felt." He glanced back toward the grass covered ground where Vanessa lay buried, "She loved you too, you know? I think for her we represented some kind of salvation." He looked at his hands for a moment, "Brandi was burning her candle at both ends, Kristen. There was nothing I could do. Nothing really anyone could do." The ghosts of the past were powerful and it was as if Brandi's had finally caught up with her and consumed her - taking her away from this life.
|
|
|
Post by Kristen Buchanan on Aug 31, 2016 18:46:32 GMT -5
"Yeah, I know she loved me," Kristen replied, though that wasn't entirely the whole point. "And I loved her, too. And I'm sure she knew it. But, it's just...I don't know...."
She paused as they moved to stand next to her vehicle, his jacket still hanging from her shoulders. She hadn't been cold, really, but had merely wrapped her around herself just to keep herself from nervously gesturing but she couldn't bring herself to return it or reject his offer.
"It's no secret Brandi and I didn't like each other. Hell, she was pretty damn mean to me when I was a kid and I think she and I both did a good job of carrying that on into adulthood," she turned to face her baby brother, making and finally holding eye-contact as she leveled with him. "But I did love her one some level. And...I guess...shit, I don't know. I guess what I'm basically trying to say is I regret not trying harder. With Vanessa or with Brandi. Hell, or even with Jared. And let's face it, you, Brock and I are all that's left. Our sisters are dead. I'm the only girl. And Jared's in prison serving a life-sentence so he's all but gone.
"I don't want to waste any more time being stupid, okay? You did fucked up shit. I did fucked up shit. Brock did. Jared, Brandi and Vanessa did. It doesn't matter. And, yeah, I've got Tyler and we've all got our friends and our kids but, even with all that, all the three of us really have anymore is each other and...I don't know. I guess I'm tired of regretting taking the easy way out and not trying harder. If that makes any sense."
|
|
|
Post by Colby Lefabre on Aug 31, 2016 19:16:40 GMT -5
He listened while she explained her current thought process. Nodding he acknowledged hearing what she said. "I understand. It makes perfect sense." He didn't really need to add anything to what she was saying. Those were her feelings and thoughts. He'd missed her painfully at times but life had gone on. He had known when he walked her down the aisle - the last thing he did for her was give her to a man he knew would take care of her and give her the family none of them ever really had. Tyler was a good man and all Colby really wanted for Kristen and back then for Jessica was for them to be safe. In hindsight maybe pushing them all away hadn't been the best way to ensure their safety but it had been all he had known to do.
"We all made mistakes. I know I took a lot for granted and made decisions without discussing them with those the decisions would impact. I am sorry for all that - I'm sorry for lashing out at you the way I had when you told me who Vanessa really was. You didn't do anything to me other than tell me the truth. I should have thanked you for that and taken better care of her then I did. But by that time, things were spinning out of control."
He smiled for a moment as he spoke, "I don't want any more regrets either."
|
|
|
Post by Kristen Buchanan on Aug 31, 2016 19:29:53 GMT -5
She smiled up at him, genuinely happy to hear the words coming out of his mouth. She tilted her head to one side as she looked up at him, pondering whether to go for broke. She could already hear Tyler in her head telling her to go for it. After more than ten years of marriage, she and her husband had developed a keen understanding of each other. For her, that meant she'd learned to anticipate the advice her husband would give her when she was facing a decision she was uncertain of. "Hey, do you maybe want to come over for dinner on Friday? It'll just be you, me and Tyler. Beth wants to take Lila out shoe-shopping for a dress she made for her and I'm sure she'd be happy to make it an overnight and the boys are going to the football game at the high school with one of their friend's parents. Could be a good chance for you and me to catch up and for you to get to know Tyler."
|
|
|
Post by Colby Lefabre on Aug 31, 2016 19:44:55 GMT -5
Her invitation surprised him, "Oh wow, I'd love to. I mean, I'll have Madeline. I don't usually spend more time then necessary without her. Work gets too much of my attention now as it is. We could bring something...maybe a side dish or dessert." My god, when did he start sounding like a domestic god?! That was most definitely something he'd never expected to say to his sister ... EVER.
"I'd like to get to know Tyler a little better," he was sincere when he spoke. "It would be nice to catch up with you and Tyler and also for the two of you to meet Madeline. It's important that she get to know her family. Thank you."
|
|