Post by Noxeema Jackson on Dec 17, 2007 22:55:40 GMT -5
Here's a selection of Quotes I found entertaining while going through the RTI group. I'm nowhere near being done, but I already had 10 pages in Word, so I thought I'd post what I have so far. Keep in mind that they go in reverse chronologic order (i.e. the newest is first).
*****
Xander: Any sign of our hostess?
Brandi: Nope. But apparently she’s Russian so she shouldn’t be too hard to find. Just look for the pasty, fat communist with mashed potato thighs sucking on a bottle of vodka.
*****
Tatyana: Children mean continuity. And a sick child is the worst thing on Earth. Especially terminally ill. Parents should not outlive their children.
Brandi: Well, in that case, why bother saving the children? Why not just shoot the parents?
*****
Brandi: (to Xander and Tatyana) Oh, Please. Would you two just fuck already and spare everyone the pretenses?
*****
Tatyana: (to Brandi) Just because I can get something that doesn’t rely on Energizer, my dear, doesn’t mean you need be jealous. After all…you can always offer money as an enticement. And besides…I never put out on the first date. We’d actually need a true first date to start a countdown. But then you don’t care when you become coyote ugly material, do you?
Brandi: Please. I had him in the car on the way over here. And any other man you shake your cellulite at has probably come across my desk more times than the weekly payroll. So, say all you want about me, because, unlike you, I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about me. So why don’t you pick up that borscht-lined ass of yours and peddle your wares to someone who doesn’t see you for the overly-modified Eurotrash you are.
*****
Xander: (to Belle, who is trying to seduce him) Not now. I’m tired. Go home.
Belle: I can’t.
Xander: What?
Belle: I can’t go home. Your little geisha friend, Chun Li, threw me out of the penthouse.
Xander: How the hell did she manage that?
Belle: She bought it from Daddy. So, I decided I’m staying with you.
Xander: Like HELL you are!
*****
Ben: (upset over the fake ID Nate gave him) Dude! Nate!
Nate: What?!
Ben: Is this the best you could do?
Nate: Why? What’s wrong with it?
Ben: It says I live at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Nate: And?
Ben: Dude, that’s the White House.
Nate: No shit?
Ben: Yeah. No shit.
*****
Ben: (wanting to leave the Globe before he gets caught being underage) Can we just get out of here bfore we get our asses kicked?
Nate: What? No. Dude, I work here. No one’s gonna kick my ass.
Ben: Fine. Can we get out of here before someone kicks my ass?
Nate: No.
*****
Nate: Benny boy, you know I love ya. But this 'I-have-to-clean-all-the-time' thing is...well, frankly, it's startin' to scare me. And you're all twitchy and irritable and... And I was thinking, you haven't gotten any since Grace, and you two broke up six months ago. And I applaud the whole 'abstinence' thing...
Ben: Since when do you ‘applaud’ abstinence?
Nate: Hey, just because I don’t understand it don’t mean I don’t support it.
*****
Tami: (to Ben after she and Grace run into him at the Globe) What the heck are you doing here?
Ben: I could ask you the same thing.
Tami: Girls’ night out.
Ben: What? Since when do you have a “girls’ night out”?
Tami: Since you two got stupid and broke up.
Ben: Hey, she broke up with me…
Tami: Yeah, yeah…blah, blah, blah…details.
*****
Caroline: (judging a model as she practices on the runway) Remind me later that I need to send her to a new modeling coach.
Ben: (studies model) She doesn’t look so bad. (Caroline glares at him) Oh yeah…right… (scribbles on notepad) Christy…new modeling coach.
*****
Mark: (to Ben in the middle of verbal spar with Caroline) Satan’s little helper, right?
Ben: I don’t work for you…
*****
Llora: (after bumping into Kristen) Watch it!
Wes: Watch yourself, sweat bag!
*****
Llora: (apologizing to Kristen for knocking her down) I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Are you all right?
Kristen: Yeah, thank…
Wes: (interrupting) I’m sorry. What did you say? I don’t speak bimbo.
*****
Kristen: (referring to Wes and Llora’s apparent familiarity) You two know each other?
Wes: Who? Oh you mean her? No, she’s just a hooker.
*****
Llora: (recognizing Kristen) You look familiar…
Kristen: I do?
Wes: Wow, that’s original. Where’d you pick that up? A dike training course on straight male behavior? ‘Cause, I hate to say it but, it don’t matter how many times you fart, belch, or scratch your “balls”…you’re still just a dike.
Kristen: WES!
Llora: Sweetie... dike, bitch, slut, hooker. Allison give you those? I mean, are you even trying? If you
really wanted to hurt my feelings you could call me a horny, bicurious, dick-sucking, alcoholic with a superiority complex. But then again, that would just be ironic. Because I'd have to wonder if you're talking about me or your ex-boyfriend.
Wes: (facetiously applauds Llora) Bravo! Kristen, meet Llora. Llora, Kristen.
Kristen: Llora? As in…
Wes: In the flesh…or, more appropriately, in the collagen.
*****
Xander: (in the tub with Nadia as her hand glides down to his groin) Bad babysitter!
*****
Kristen: (after being slapped on the butt by a passing Wes) Would you stop that?!
Wes: Hey, I see a piece of ass…I gotta tap it.
Kristen: You’re gay!
Wes: Oh yeah…I forgot. Well, what’s your brother doin’ then?
Kristen: Probably making babies with “Gwen Stefani.” Besides, I don’t think you’re his type.
Wes: Whatever. Three drinks and I’m everybody’s type.
*****
Beth: (after Kristen lists off people she doesn’t hate) So, Max huh? That’s the dude that’s blind, right?
Wes: Wait a minute, who’s Max?
Kristen: No one!
Beth: (ignoring Kristen) The blind dude Kristen’s sleeping with.
Wes: (to Kristen) You bagged a blind dude?!
Kristen: What? No!
Beth: Whatever. You quit your job so you could date him and not feel all…skanky. (to Wes) She totally did! I couldn’t believe it!
Kristen: I did NOT! I quit because…
Wes: (interrupting) Whoa! You’re sleeping with a blind guy? And I’m just finding out about this NOW?!?
*****
Wes: (talking to Beth about Nate) Hormone boy? Oh! You mean the reason you've been avoiding the bar all night? That ain't a relationship. That's you bein' crazy.
Beth: That's SO not me being crazy! That's.. That's me being smart! He's like.. Weird, and not all that bright.
Wes: I don’t see James winnin’ any Nobel prizes. Or you for that matter.
Beth: Yeah, but at least we’re smart enough to remember peoples’ names. He thinks my name is Betty even though I keep telling him it’s not.
Wes: …as in Betty Grable?
Beth: Dude I don't know. I try not to stay in a conversation long enough to find that sort of crap out.
Wes: Pmmfph. What kind of hag are you?
Beth: What the hell does that have to do with him callin' me Betty?
Wes: For starters? (begins to enumerate his points on his finges)
A: If he knows who Betty Grable is, there's good chance is he likes boys.
Two: I like boys.
C: I'm your friend.
D: The Fag-Hag Charter specifically states "hags shalt provide fags with sufficient man-candy."
And five: You suck! (with all five fingers extended, slaps Beth) Bad hag!
*****
Brandi: (surprised to see Colby at LML) What are you doing here?
Colby: Working.
Brandi: Working? (looks over the suit Colby is wearing) Aren’t you a little over-dressed for the mail room?
*****
Brock: (admiring his handywork decorating the Christmas tree) I’m the fucking King of Christmas!
*****
Kai: (reprimanding Nate for his ‘terminology) Do you know what sexual harassment is, Mr. Armstrong?
Nate: Uh, yeah…why? Don’t you?
*****
Kai: (after finding Xander waiting for her in her study) What do you want?
Xander: What does anybody want: World peace.
*****
Kai: (about how Xander got past her guards) Who let you in here? I was pretty sure I made it clear to the staff that you’re not welcome here any longer.
Xander: I don’t know. Maybe I’m just too irresistibly charming to say no to.
Kai: You? Irresistibly charming? You don’t really believe that do you?
*****
Xander: I heard you were having some legal trouble. What’s that all about?
Kai: Why do you care?
Xander: Morbid curiosity, I suppose.
*****
Javier: (nervous about exposing his mother to Nate) So are you gonna behave yourself? No fucking hitting on my Ma, got it? I just wanna get this chore she has for me over and done and get the hell outta here.
Nate: Why would I hit on your… (hit with sudden realization) Dude! You’ve got a M.I.L.F.?
*****
Javier: Better yet, why don’t you stay out here while I do this thing?
Nate: Dude, you are such a baby. What do you think I’m gonna do? Maul your mom the minute she opens the door? What kind of asshole do you think I am?…. I’ll wait ‘til you’re in the bathroom.
*****
Ben: (hungover, trying to figure out who saw him pretending to be Superman in only his underwear and a bed sheet) What neighbor lady?
Nate: The one whose begonias you knocked over.
Ben: When did I do that?
Nate: When you were running around the neighborhood in nothing but your skivvies and a sheet screaming “Up, Up and Away” and tryin’ to fly.
Ben: (not believing Nate) I didn’t do that!
Nate: Yeah, sure you didn’t. And I guess you didn’t moon her either.
Cassidy: (to Ben) You know if you weren’t still in your underwear and that sheet when I came in last night I might have been able to defend you. You really should go upstairs and put some clothes on…
Ben: Yeah, yeah. (heads upstairs. Nate slaps Ben on the butt. Ben glares at Nate) Don’t make me kill you.
Nate: Oh yeah! Bring it on, bitch!
Ben: Jerk!
*****
Nate: (trying to convince Cassidy to drink with him and Ben) Awww, come on! You can crash here! There’s plenty of room. A pool out back. We can have a sleep over. Get drunk, go skinny-dipping. Shit, Benny-boy’s half-girl, he can braid your hair!
*****
Ben: (drunk and impatiently waiting for Nate to bring him another) Nate! Where’s my damn beer, Asshole!
Nate: Don’t get your dildo in a knot, Pocahontas!
*****
Cassidy: (after finding a drunk Ben lying on the sofa, wearing nothing but his underwear and a sheet tied around his neck) I gotta get you sobered up before you do something stupid…like accidentally choke yourself, Superman.
Ben: Shhhhhh! Don’t tell anyone!
Cassidy: Don’t tell anyone…what, exactly?
Ben: (very serious) I’m Superman.
*****
Izzy: (dressed in a pink princess outfit and tiara to Beth who is dressed in a belly dancer outfit, both are figments of Nate’s dream) I have a better outfit. (points to tiara) And I have this!
Beth: You do realize your not in the right costume, right? I mean…harem setting…? That means harem-style clothes, chick.
Izzy: But…but…but I feel pretty!
*****
Nate: (in the grocery store, reading off a list of items he needs for a party) Beer?…Check. Food?…Check. Condoms?…Double check.
*****
Nate: (talking to Javier on the phone as Nate is driving to pick up Izzy) Oh, come on, dude, what you think I'm gonna do? Take her out to some cheesy motel and have my way with her?
Hey, amigo, I do have self-control… (mumbles) sometimes.
What? Nothing!
No, amigo, I didn’t say anything.
What do you mean I can’t call you amigo?
Oh, dude, it is not!
How is that derogatory?
Yeah, whatever…amigo!
You know, you wouldn’t have to worry about this if you’d just let me take your sister out.
What do you mean “No”?
Dude, I am not!
Am not!
Yeah, well you’re…a whore.
*****
Duncan: (introducing Brock and Colby to their niece and nephew/cousins) Brock, Colby…I’d like you to meet Alia and Anthony, Jared’s children.
Brock: (unimpressed) So?
Anthony: (offended) So?!? Well, so much for ‘intelligent design.’
*****
*****
Xander: Any sign of our hostess?
Brandi: Nope. But apparently she’s Russian so she shouldn’t be too hard to find. Just look for the pasty, fat communist with mashed potato thighs sucking on a bottle of vodka.
*****
Tatyana: Children mean continuity. And a sick child is the worst thing on Earth. Especially terminally ill. Parents should not outlive their children.
Brandi: Well, in that case, why bother saving the children? Why not just shoot the parents?
*****
Brandi: (to Xander and Tatyana) Oh, Please. Would you two just fuck already and spare everyone the pretenses?
*****
Tatyana: (to Brandi) Just because I can get something that doesn’t rely on Energizer, my dear, doesn’t mean you need be jealous. After all…you can always offer money as an enticement. And besides…I never put out on the first date. We’d actually need a true first date to start a countdown. But then you don’t care when you become coyote ugly material, do you?
Brandi: Please. I had him in the car on the way over here. And any other man you shake your cellulite at has probably come across my desk more times than the weekly payroll. So, say all you want about me, because, unlike you, I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about me. So why don’t you pick up that borscht-lined ass of yours and peddle your wares to someone who doesn’t see you for the overly-modified Eurotrash you are.
*****
Xander: (to Belle, who is trying to seduce him) Not now. I’m tired. Go home.
Belle: I can’t.
Xander: What?
Belle: I can’t go home. Your little geisha friend, Chun Li, threw me out of the penthouse.
Xander: How the hell did she manage that?
Belle: She bought it from Daddy. So, I decided I’m staying with you.
Xander: Like HELL you are!
*****
Ben: (upset over the fake ID Nate gave him) Dude! Nate!
Nate: What?!
Ben: Is this the best you could do?
Nate: Why? What’s wrong with it?
Ben: It says I live at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Nate: And?
Ben: Dude, that’s the White House.
Nate: No shit?
Ben: Yeah. No shit.
*****
Ben: (wanting to leave the Globe before he gets caught being underage) Can we just get out of here bfore we get our asses kicked?
Nate: What? No. Dude, I work here. No one’s gonna kick my ass.
Ben: Fine. Can we get out of here before someone kicks my ass?
Nate: No.
*****
Nate: Benny boy, you know I love ya. But this 'I-have-to-clean-all-the-time' thing is...well, frankly, it's startin' to scare me. And you're all twitchy and irritable and... And I was thinking, you haven't gotten any since Grace, and you two broke up six months ago. And I applaud the whole 'abstinence' thing...
Ben: Since when do you ‘applaud’ abstinence?
Nate: Hey, just because I don’t understand it don’t mean I don’t support it.
*****
Tami: (to Ben after she and Grace run into him at the Globe) What the heck are you doing here?
Ben: I could ask you the same thing.
Tami: Girls’ night out.
Ben: What? Since when do you have a “girls’ night out”?
Tami: Since you two got stupid and broke up.
Ben: Hey, she broke up with me…
Tami: Yeah, yeah…blah, blah, blah…details.
*****
Caroline: (judging a model as she practices on the runway) Remind me later that I need to send her to a new modeling coach.
Ben: (studies model) She doesn’t look so bad. (Caroline glares at him) Oh yeah…right… (scribbles on notepad) Christy…new modeling coach.
*****
Mark: (to Ben in the middle of verbal spar with Caroline) Satan’s little helper, right?
Ben: I don’t work for you…
*****
Llora: (after bumping into Kristen) Watch it!
Wes: Watch yourself, sweat bag!
*****
Llora: (apologizing to Kristen for knocking her down) I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Are you all right?
Kristen: Yeah, thank…
Wes: (interrupting) I’m sorry. What did you say? I don’t speak bimbo.
*****
Kristen: (referring to Wes and Llora’s apparent familiarity) You two know each other?
Wes: Who? Oh you mean her? No, she’s just a hooker.
*****
Llora: (recognizing Kristen) You look familiar…
Kristen: I do?
Wes: Wow, that’s original. Where’d you pick that up? A dike training course on straight male behavior? ‘Cause, I hate to say it but, it don’t matter how many times you fart, belch, or scratch your “balls”…you’re still just a dike.
Kristen: WES!
Llora: Sweetie... dike, bitch, slut, hooker. Allison give you those? I mean, are you even trying? If you
really wanted to hurt my feelings you could call me a horny, bicurious, dick-sucking, alcoholic with a superiority complex. But then again, that would just be ironic. Because I'd have to wonder if you're talking about me or your ex-boyfriend.
Wes: (facetiously applauds Llora) Bravo! Kristen, meet Llora. Llora, Kristen.
Kristen: Llora? As in…
Wes: In the flesh…or, more appropriately, in the collagen.
*****
Xander: (in the tub with Nadia as her hand glides down to his groin) Bad babysitter!
*****
Kristen: (after being slapped on the butt by a passing Wes) Would you stop that?!
Wes: Hey, I see a piece of ass…I gotta tap it.
Kristen: You’re gay!
Wes: Oh yeah…I forgot. Well, what’s your brother doin’ then?
Kristen: Probably making babies with “Gwen Stefani.” Besides, I don’t think you’re his type.
Wes: Whatever. Three drinks and I’m everybody’s type.
*****
Beth: (after Kristen lists off people she doesn’t hate) So, Max huh? That’s the dude that’s blind, right?
Wes: Wait a minute, who’s Max?
Kristen: No one!
Beth: (ignoring Kristen) The blind dude Kristen’s sleeping with.
Wes: (to Kristen) You bagged a blind dude?!
Kristen: What? No!
Beth: Whatever. You quit your job so you could date him and not feel all…skanky. (to Wes) She totally did! I couldn’t believe it!
Kristen: I did NOT! I quit because…
Wes: (interrupting) Whoa! You’re sleeping with a blind guy? And I’m just finding out about this NOW?!?
*****
Wes: (talking to Beth about Nate) Hormone boy? Oh! You mean the reason you've been avoiding the bar all night? That ain't a relationship. That's you bein' crazy.
Beth: That's SO not me being crazy! That's.. That's me being smart! He's like.. Weird, and not all that bright.
Wes: I don’t see James winnin’ any Nobel prizes. Or you for that matter.
Beth: Yeah, but at least we’re smart enough to remember peoples’ names. He thinks my name is Betty even though I keep telling him it’s not.
Wes: …as in Betty Grable?
Beth: Dude I don't know. I try not to stay in a conversation long enough to find that sort of crap out.
Wes: Pmmfph. What kind of hag are you?
Beth: What the hell does that have to do with him callin' me Betty?
Wes: For starters? (begins to enumerate his points on his finges)
A: If he knows who Betty Grable is, there's good chance is he likes boys.
Two: I like boys.
C: I'm your friend.
D: The Fag-Hag Charter specifically states "hags shalt provide fags with sufficient man-candy."
And five: You suck! (with all five fingers extended, slaps Beth) Bad hag!
*****
Brandi: (surprised to see Colby at LML) What are you doing here?
Colby: Working.
Brandi: Working? (looks over the suit Colby is wearing) Aren’t you a little over-dressed for the mail room?
*****
Brock: (admiring his handywork decorating the Christmas tree) I’m the fucking King of Christmas!
*****
Kai: (reprimanding Nate for his ‘terminology) Do you know what sexual harassment is, Mr. Armstrong?
Nate: Uh, yeah…why? Don’t you?
*****
Kai: (after finding Xander waiting for her in her study) What do you want?
Xander: What does anybody want: World peace.
*****
Kai: (about how Xander got past her guards) Who let you in here? I was pretty sure I made it clear to the staff that you’re not welcome here any longer.
Xander: I don’t know. Maybe I’m just too irresistibly charming to say no to.
Kai: You? Irresistibly charming? You don’t really believe that do you?
*****
Xander: I heard you were having some legal trouble. What’s that all about?
Kai: Why do you care?
Xander: Morbid curiosity, I suppose.
*****
Javier: (nervous about exposing his mother to Nate) So are you gonna behave yourself? No fucking hitting on my Ma, got it? I just wanna get this chore she has for me over and done and get the hell outta here.
Nate: Why would I hit on your… (hit with sudden realization) Dude! You’ve got a M.I.L.F.?
*****
Javier: Better yet, why don’t you stay out here while I do this thing?
Nate: Dude, you are such a baby. What do you think I’m gonna do? Maul your mom the minute she opens the door? What kind of asshole do you think I am?…. I’ll wait ‘til you’re in the bathroom.
*****
Ben: (hungover, trying to figure out who saw him pretending to be Superman in only his underwear and a bed sheet) What neighbor lady?
Nate: The one whose begonias you knocked over.
Ben: When did I do that?
Nate: When you were running around the neighborhood in nothing but your skivvies and a sheet screaming “Up, Up and Away” and tryin’ to fly.
Ben: (not believing Nate) I didn’t do that!
Nate: Yeah, sure you didn’t. And I guess you didn’t moon her either.
Cassidy: (to Ben) You know if you weren’t still in your underwear and that sheet when I came in last night I might have been able to defend you. You really should go upstairs and put some clothes on…
Ben: Yeah, yeah. (heads upstairs. Nate slaps Ben on the butt. Ben glares at Nate) Don’t make me kill you.
Nate: Oh yeah! Bring it on, bitch!
Ben: Jerk!
*****
Nate: (trying to convince Cassidy to drink with him and Ben) Awww, come on! You can crash here! There’s plenty of room. A pool out back. We can have a sleep over. Get drunk, go skinny-dipping. Shit, Benny-boy’s half-girl, he can braid your hair!
*****
Ben: (drunk and impatiently waiting for Nate to bring him another) Nate! Where’s my damn beer, Asshole!
Nate: Don’t get your dildo in a knot, Pocahontas!
*****
Cassidy: (after finding a drunk Ben lying on the sofa, wearing nothing but his underwear and a sheet tied around his neck) I gotta get you sobered up before you do something stupid…like accidentally choke yourself, Superman.
Ben: Shhhhhh! Don’t tell anyone!
Cassidy: Don’t tell anyone…what, exactly?
Ben: (very serious) I’m Superman.
*****
Izzy: (dressed in a pink princess outfit and tiara to Beth who is dressed in a belly dancer outfit, both are figments of Nate’s dream) I have a better outfit. (points to tiara) And I have this!
Beth: You do realize your not in the right costume, right? I mean…harem setting…? That means harem-style clothes, chick.
Izzy: But…but…but I feel pretty!
*****
Nate: (in the grocery store, reading off a list of items he needs for a party) Beer?…Check. Food?…Check. Condoms?…Double check.
*****
Nate: (talking to Javier on the phone as Nate is driving to pick up Izzy) Oh, come on, dude, what you think I'm gonna do? Take her out to some cheesy motel and have my way with her?
Hey, amigo, I do have self-control… (mumbles) sometimes.
What? Nothing!
No, amigo, I didn’t say anything.
What do you mean I can’t call you amigo?
Oh, dude, it is not!
How is that derogatory?
Yeah, whatever…amigo!
You know, you wouldn’t have to worry about this if you’d just let me take your sister out.
What do you mean “No”?
Dude, I am not!
Am not!
Yeah, well you’re…a whore.
*****
Duncan: (introducing Brock and Colby to their niece and nephew/cousins) Brock, Colby…I’d like you to meet Alia and Anthony, Jared’s children.
Brock: (unimpressed) So?
Anthony: (offended) So?!? Well, so much for ‘intelligent design.’
*****